How Meeting Lena Dunham Turned Odell Beckham Jr. Alt-Right
The following is a satirical article
It was a chilly September evening as New York Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. sat on his cell phone at the Met Gala, awaiting the night’s festivities. The pro bowler sat there in suspense, hoping a gorgeous young model would accompany him at the table. But what happened next would leave the New York Giants star scarred, and transformed for life.
Beckham was hoping Victoria’s Secret model Gigi Hadid would join him at his table, but instead, the world’s most infamous feminist, Lena Dunham, decided to occupy the seat next to him. As Dunham tried to make a move on him, Beckham sank lower into his chair, pondering where he went wrong in life to wind up in this situation. Beckham has never spoken about the events that took place that night, but Dunham was an open textbook.
“I was sitting next to Odell Beckham Jr., and it was so amazing because it was like he looked at me and he determined I was not the shape of a woman by his standards,” Dunham remarked to reporters. “He was like, ‘That’s a marshmallow. That’s a child. That’s a dog.’ It wasn’t mean — he just seemed confused.”
Dunham continued, “The vibe was very much like, ‘Do I want to f— it? Is it wearing a … yep, it’s wearing a tuxedo. I’m going to go back to my cell phone. It was like we were forced to be together, and he literally was scrolling Instagram rather than have to look at a woman in a bow tie. I was like, ‘This should be called the Metropolitan Museum of Getting Rejected by Athletes.’”
Odell Beckham has never been the same football player since this night. It is rumored that his encounter with Dunham caused him to develop a severe case of PTSD, which he is still suffering from to this day. This forced Beckham to vacation in Miami prior to his playoff debut, to help clear his conscience of his haunting memories.
But his frustrations haven’t just taken a toll on the football field. Since meeting Dunham, Beckham has become an outspoken member of the alt-right and has vowed to crush the left. Just days after meeting Dunham, Beckham tweeted out to his followers “Feminism is cancer.”
On election day, Beckham revealed to his Twitter followers that he voted for Donald Trump.
This past Christmas, he gave the acronym NFL a whole new meaning.
And just a day after rekindling his rivalry with Washington Redskins cornerback Josh Norman, Beckham channeled his inner Pinochet.
It is unclear what the future holds in store for Mr. Beckham, but we have been informed that Breitbart.com has reached out to Odell and offered to give him a podcast called The Odellicopter.
