Fearing Prosecution, Santa Begins Giving Presents to Naughty Children

Image Credit: T.B Rickert’s Call




Due to new anti-discrimination legislation in the North Pole, Santa Claus has scrapped the naughty list and now has to give presents to all children regardless of their behavior. This has led to the elves working longer hours, the reindeer flying more than they can handle, and Santa’s sleigh being weighed down by far too many presents, but the government of the North Pole sees it as entirely worth it in the name of social justice.

Although the North Pole is, in fact, Santa’s property, and he maintained he had the ability to give presents to whomever he pleases, the courts didn’t buy into his arguments. To the courts, if Santa is to give to children that he sees as nice, he must also give to children that are naughty in his eyes. It isn’t a matter of morality or property to the government, for they believe in no such thing. For them, it’s a matter of equity and assuring everyone has an equal outcome.

To the government of the North Pole, since Santa entered the toy industry based on his own will, the government sees themselves as justified in regulating his behavior. According to an interview with Elves for the Liberation of Naughty Children, ELNC president Gary Johnson said “Look, if you enter the toy market, don’t be surprised when we make you extend your services to everyone. It’s a new world, and morality is extraordinarily relative now. We don’t need anyone imposing their archaic sense of right-and-wrong upon children. We just need people to give them free stuff once per year.”




When asked about Santa’s right to control his property, Mr. Johnson said: “What is property?”

It doesn’t look like these laws are going to change anytime soon. In fact, these laws are spreading. Soon, the United States Supreme Court will decide if the government has the right to force a Christian Baker to bake a cake for a gay wedding. If the Court decides to do this, property rights will be lost in America as it is in the North Pole.

It may seem like these laws are effectively unenforceable in modern times, but it seems they have their ways, which includes mass surveillance and shutting down any and all businesses who do not comply, God help Santa, and God help us all if such a law comes to the US!