Here’s The Beautiful Circumstances in Which “Allahu Akbar” Can Be Said, According to CNN’s Jake Tapper

Article by Darius Urban

The following is a satirical article.

Trusted CNN news anchor Jake Tapper, the anchor of the top-rated show, The Lead, said “The Arabic chant ‘Allahu Akbar,’ God is great, sometimes is said under the most beautiful of circumstances. And too often, we hear it being said in moments like this,” referencing to the misunderstood immigrant who was praying for peace and love to God after his silenced rental truck accidentally ran over some erring bicyclists and American privileged hedonistic bystanders.

There are also other circumstances, that a lot of loving, peaceful, and harmless migrants have been known to use this beautiful phrase:

  1. Right before acid is tossed for a surprise facial cleanse for a pretty, young, albeit sinful woman who does not respect the authority of her husband or father.
  2. Right before a woman is bent over behind a dumpster in order to ensure she is of virtue and her body has been given a deep tissue massage.
  3. Right before going postal over a cartoon that shamefully misinterprets a peaceful and loving prophet.
  4. Right before a truck, made possible by western culture (sense a pattern?), accidentally ran over 87 heathens in the socialist utopia of Nice, France.

These are just four beautiful circumstances out of tens of thousands that occur yearly. Misunderstanding the unfortunate circumstances behind the loss of some privileged lives and the lack of regulation of trucks is one thing, but to malign a beautiful chant is another totally different matter altogether. Far too often, society is plagued by misunderstandings about intent, especially knowing the intent of Islam, whichhas spread to the far reaches of the world with the message of peace and love.