The following is a satirical article.
Christopher Columbus was the Captain Kirk of his time, a man of peace seeking out new life and new civilizations and to boldly go where no man has gone before. Christopher Columbus not only discovered a whole new world, he kick-started the first international trade routes bringing the Americas to the rest of the world.
Christopher Columbus was born in 1451 in the republic of Genoa. It was here that he began having dreams of free market innovation and decided that he wanted to open up his own private exploration business. Before Christopher Columbus set off on his valiant quest, he married. Columbus’ wife died in 1480 and only gave him one son. Columbus knew he was very handsome and good looking so he decided to have another son out of wedlock in 1488.
After feeling that his handsome bloodline was secure, Columbus decided to start his private exploration business. Columbus wasn’t a rich man, he decided he needed to get a loan to launch his small business. Columbus requested a loan from many places like Portugal, Genoa, and Venice but was rejected each time. His loan request was finally accepted by Spain after they physically removed hordes of communists from their country. Columbus was able to purchase three large ships, the USS Enterprise, the USS Donald Trump and the USS Civilization.
After almost two months of chartering the waters, Columbus DISCOVERED AMERICA. No one had ever discovered this majestic place before. While in America, Columbus met natives to the Americas who didn’t want to trade with him and even attacked his convoy. These actions violated the NAP which led Christopher Columbus to take away the moon from the natives on February 29th 1504, the day of the lunar eclipse. The natives were in awe of Columbus’ power and understanding of free markets that they decided to trade with him and everyone lived happily ever after.
Happy Columbus day!
If you want to read more on Columbus you can here.