How Michael Moore Lost 500 Pounds by Switching His Diet to Socialism

The following is a satirical article

Hollywood hypocrite Michael Moore is at it again, claiming that any woman who voted for Donald Trump has Stockholm Syndrome, which, when you consider Comrade Moore’s lust for the state’s leather boot to stomp on his neck, is quite ironic.

But it turns out the socialist Moore might not be as hypocritical as we once believed. As evidenced by his large physique, Michael Moore loves capitalism. Only under an economic system so abundant in wealth can Moore eat this well and enjoy a delicious myriad of food.

Workers at Moore’s local McDonald’s have informed us that Moore is in fact infatuated by capitalism, and loves it so much because of how easily he can purchase his favorite meals. It turns out that his political struggle isn’t due to philosophical disagreements, but rather due to a personal desire to lose weight.

Moore knew that living in a capitalist society would only further taunt his temptation to eat everything in sight, so in an effort to lose weight, Moore became a socialist. The only possible way he could lose weight was by moving to Venezuela and waiting on a breadline to be fed.

McDonald’s was saddened to learn that their number one customer abandoned them, but happy to know he has finally shed a few pounds since moving to Venezuela. Food is so scarce in Venezuela that rumor has it Moore has lost over 500 pounds – a feat only capable under the wonders of socialism.

If you know someone that needs to lose weight and lose weight fast, get them on the Socialist diet plan. You will lose all of your weight in under 30 days, with a no money back guarantee.