Need a drink this election season? I know I do. Watching these blonde wigged buffoons drabble on about the government’s role in everything in our lives could drive anyone to the bottle. Here is the official Liberty Hangout guide to maximize your alcoholic experiences this summer.
Pound for pound, this is probably the easiest on the liver. You’re probably most likely to wake up and not hate yourself while throwing back a few brewski’s. Mainly due to the fact that most beers average between 2.8 and 8.1 % alcohol content, a cold one or two or three will likely be your best choice for a marathon. However, unlike a marathon, it probably won’t be the best choice for your love handles or thigh gap.
White: Simply put, white wine makes you excrete more acid and makes your tummy feel yucky if consumed in bulk. Also, if you’re a boy, don’t ever order this at a bar or you may be restricted from entering the men’s room. For girls, this is a classy go-to during a Netflix and chill night, but during mass quantity consumption , this could present huge problems for your stomach and your wallet.
Red: Usually having between 12-16% alcohol content, red wine is a tad stronger than its white privileged counterpart. Red also causes your body to break down ethanol and methanol in your system, making it also a poor choice for if you’re planning on drinking continuously while listening to a Larken Rose speech.
Now we’re talking, people! You want to forget that Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump will likely be your next president? Vodka fulfills that need, my friends. With an average alcohol content of 40%, vodka will work pretty quickly (I suggest Tito’s or Exclusiv for the best cost benefit analysis). Vodka works great because it is made without any by-products during fermentation, making it incredibly pure. **PRO-TIP drink vodka on the rocks with a few green olives or a lime and you’ll accomplish both a nice buzz after a couple, and wake up feeling like Barack Obama in January of 2012.**
The quickest to get you drunk. Also the quickest to get you talking politics. Throw back two or three and you’ll have the confidence of Adam Kokesh when taking on your socialist professor at the local pub. The problem with scotch, bourbon, or Irish whisky is the sugar content and the John Kasich like karate chop it delivers to your temples the day after a night imbibing it. **PRO-TIP- start the night with two or three whiskeys and switch to beer when you get your buzz going. It’ll both mellow you out and get your intellect flowing—ya’know assuming you have one. **
Wrapping up the list, we have my personally biased least favorite (mainly because it was the first drink I threw up on in 8th grade). Gin is flavored with a diuretic, so it will dehydrate you very quickly if you’re not careful. Plan on spending the night in the bathroom and waking up hating your Murray Rothbard poster and wishing the Volstead Act was still in effect.
As a careful reminder, BE RESPONSIBLE with drinking. It is a huge part of academic and social life. It can be your best friend or your worst enemy. This election season may be disheartening, but remember the torch of liberty will forever burn bright. Oh, and the LP may even get in the conversation this year (fingers crossed)
Until then, stay thirsty my friends.